shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Randomize
