R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
