billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
