You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
