why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
