You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
