just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize