I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
