i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
