come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
