does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
