I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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