I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
