you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
