if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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