My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
