Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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