Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
