2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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