You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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