she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
