Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
