I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You ate ashes out of my bong
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
