you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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