So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
