Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
