giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
