it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
