I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
