I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
