I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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