I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
