i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
you traded sex for a burrito?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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