Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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