well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
