Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
