I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
