i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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