Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
