just tell him i said nine months
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
