the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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