no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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