I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
