Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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