Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize