It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Yo dont text me then not text me
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
