I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
