the new term for farting is butt boxing.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
nutella sex= disaster
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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