My sheets look like a crime scene.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
