but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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