I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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