I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
