areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
