my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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