I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
