How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
