just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
