This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
