I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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