I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
