dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
