Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
