I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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