yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
