When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
