Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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