Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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