Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I understand Curling. That high.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
