I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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