I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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