i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
