Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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